Endometriosis Awareness Month: Finding Our Allies Who Champion Our Cause
I’ve always had one major symptom of Endometriosis which has been very bad stomach cramps. Before, during and after my period my stomach would just ache. I thought it was normal…
When I was 19 my GP told me to go on the Pill. I did and the bleeding became heavier, the cramps more painful. The crux of it was shortly after I turned 21, my period lasted 44 days. You read that correctly, I bled for 44 days - the pain was unbearable!
I was referred to a gynecologist who recommended another type of Oral Contraceptive Pill, though when that didn’t help she suggested trying a different type. In between this I began my own research into a word I heard floating around, ‘Endometriosis’.
At 23 my gynecologist finally agreed to a laparoscopic surgery and found large patches of endometrial tissue growing.
For almost 2 years I had very minimal pain and cramps with almost no bleeding. As the gynecological surgeon said, “… They didn’t want to do a laparoscopy all the time,” and well that makes sense – if it’s not Endometriosis, the pain or irregular bleeding might be caused due to PCOS. It may even be an unrelated hormonal condition.
Since 2015, after being diagnosed with Endometriosis and Adenomyosis, every year, when March rolls around I get very excited about Endometriosis Awareness Month and the amount of community support that is felt from all around the world.
As March gets a little closer now though, for the first time in 3 years someone who I consider part of my support network is missing. He was the first man to enter my life that I felt true vulnerability and let myself be myself and not hide behind the “I’m fine” masquerade.
We met in January 2019 through our mutual friend, and that March when we had our first date, one rainy night we got to talking about scars. He told me about the scars he had from a minor motorcycle accident and from a childhood fight with his little brother.
When he asked me if I had any scars, I felt myself tense up.
My last laparoscopy was only in November 2018, not even 6 months had passed and it had been a particularly painful mental and physical recovery. We had not had anything with alcohol so I had no liquid courage to lie to a relative stranger who had just asked me about something I felt ashamed to talk about. Instead I slowly moved my sweater and showed him the 4 tiny lines on either side of my hips from my 2 prior laparoscopies and told him the words out loud.
“…I have this thing, this woman's health thing called Endometriosis, you probably haven't heard of it,” I said as I talked into my chest, the trickles of fear and shame creeping in.
I found him so attractive, I didn't want him to think I was weak.
His hand moved across my hip from left to right and he said, “I don't see any scars'’.
We started dating and it was all going well until about June 2019 and my Endo took a bad turn. I bled for about 78 days straight. My self esteem plummeted. I was tired all the time, I kept thinking, “how could my body let me down like this? I’m finally dating a guy who is caring and understanding and knows it’s not all about sex but surely he will get tired of this and move on to someone else who can give him what I can’t.’’
On August 3rd 2019, I was driving home from his apartment and seriously considered hitting a light pole on Nepean Hwy.
I was frustrated with my body.
It wasn’t worth all of this. It would be quick and easy.
I didn't tell him about that though. I was too ashamed.
I ended up having my third laparoscopy in October 2019, and it was successful.
I have had minimal Endo issues since then and He was incredibly supportive through my recovery process. He reminded me that I will have bad days and good days and such a calming presence on the bad days.
After my laparoscopy my GP recommended taking antidepressants to help me and when I told my partner he suggested increasing my physical activity instead and really encouraged me by engaging in more dance classes (than I was previously doing). I’ve been a member of Xtend Barre since January 2020 and I am grateful I am able to channel my struggles with my body on the good days and bad days through dance.
In March 2020 and March 2021 for Endometriosis Awareness Month, I sent him what I had written for my Instagram and he said, “...I’m always so impressed with you and how passionate you are about raising awareness”. He had an uncanny ability to know when the “I’m fine” mask was on and remind me to slow down, or to take a step back and breathe.
We broke up last year in July. There is no hate or animosity, and we’re working towards being friends.
I know it’s selfish to say but I lost not only my partner in crime but also my second biggest support (second to my mother). He saw me at my weakest and was the first man to love me, scars and all. He gave me the ability to look beyond Endometriosis as a condition and see myself again.
I’d like to think that this year in March he’s still championing our cause.
I think it’s really important to keep writing and talking about these conditions. Even if we all have slightly different symptoms it helps to know we are not alone.
Mariah xx
You can follow my journey on Instagram @ms.mcb
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